The Real Life Adventures of Vera Vague

A snippet from attempts to communicate with this Vera Vague person through the written word. Vera is trying to write a book.

The characters in this book are all fictional and bear no especial resemblance to the author. The author is also fictional and bears no resemblance to herself, either. (That is the saddest thing I think I have ever heard!)

Chapter I: In which I wonder what I should write.

Vera was in a particularly fragmented state, so she decided just to write a page or two. She sat under a great oak tree in the June afernoon sun and wrote about Peterson, who spent his life tromping outdoors looking at birds and then writing Field Guides.

There was a picture in Time Magazine of him sitting at his drafting table, a dead stuffed bird in one hand, a paint brush in the other. Vera decided she would rather not hold dead birds in her hand. But drawing and tromping outdoors was nice.

She would have to change her name to write a Field Book. "Vague's Guide to Common Weeds" sounded kind of funny. What about a field guide to people???

Of course, you could probably insult the entire planet by classifying and providing pictorial examples.

Chapter II: In which I write "A Field Guide to People." And change the person point-of-view in mid-air!

I got up excitedly from my resting place under the oak tree and walked over to the library. I needed a plan. I started by cataloging myself. I am one-fourth Irish, one-fourth German, and one-half Norwegian. I wondered if I would ever find a person who was half Norwegian and half Swedish. Poor soul, they would spend half of their time insulting their self and the other half of their time insulting their self!

(Long discussion on grammatical techniques of avoiding using "his" or "her" by using "their" ommitted for brevity.)

Chapter III: In which I discover the true meaning of Cultural Diversity.

(That's all for now. - Auriel Ragmon and friends)