Home

The funny thing is, having lived in the same home for 14 years after a life of "home insecurity," it has taken some time to internalize that this is my home and not just a temporary arrangement that can be ripped away without much warning.

When I was a child, we moved almost yearly, and when I was an adult, my first marriage was to a man who would up and leave his job and move us to another state. Montana, back to California, then to Florida. Then I moved back to my childhood home, then I moved to an apartment, then finally to a rented house, then finally to a purchased home.

Somehow it has taken forever for me to feel as if this is my home, the way a secure child feels about their home. It took me a long time to notice that I felt this way. And then it took me awhile to figure out that I could do some things to feel more secure about home. First I have to accept that it is ok to want to feel secure about home. You may find this odd, but the way to make yourself deal with moving is to convince yourself that it wasn't important to stay.

The animals make it better. Somehow it helps to make a good home for them. The strawberries are very important. A nice little strawberry bed, one that's not too hard to take care of, and all my own, helps. And then there is the room where all my music is. And the woods that I can see every day from the breakfast table. Why can I not believe in this good fortune, as if a wisp of wind will blow it all away?