The Importance of Being Important

Many conversations over the last decade or so have revolved around whether or not "self-esteem" is a good thing or not.

I have seen essays and articles either supporting or denigrating the concept of trying to raise self-esteem.

I think people make mistakes about this, and that some mistaken ideas are hard on those emotionally battered and worn-down folk who have ideas of themselves boxed into hurtful places.

You can get it right if you think of a kid's soccer team. Everyone is important on the team, but working together as a team is more important.

Take the "star" player, for example. He can't go around hogging the ball and berating others. This causes ill-will, distractions and mistakes.

So someone who is doing wrong things because they think it will give them an advantage, making them look more important, is in error.

Someone who thinks they are no good at all is making another type of error. If they follow this belief, it will rob them of being inspired to do their best. They may not have the confidence to take risks that are really good for the team.

Someone who bangs on another person is also not helping. They may think they are doing the team a favor (let's get rid of that loser!), but the entire team will be focused on hurting a weaker person, and that will be distressing and distracting.

Both our "star" and our "loser" have come to that place because of the input and training they received. There's Joey, he's the best soccer player in the league! There's Mack, what a loser.

Now that we are all meeting on the soccer field, what should we do? Joey needs to learn that his self-important image has strayed into selfishness. He needs to be able to see other people and respond to them differently. Mack needs to do the same thing! Joey needs to be tactifully taught to tone it down and share. Mack needs a nurturing kind of communication that teaches him that he's ok and it is safe to interact and trust the team.

Did you notice that both ourselves and others have a hard time with seeing ourselves as others see us? We can't really stand to hear negative things about ourselves. It hurts.

This is the reason for tact, for politeness, for patience, and for forgiving.

Have you also noticed that the effect of information given depends on the intentions of the bearer? Are they giving us information to help or hurt?

I think self-image is ultimately important. It's vital to have the freedom to get to know your true self and to get to know how you are related to other people. Encourage each other! Help everyone to know they are important! Be a person who helps provide an environment where ill souls may mend and tired souls may rest!

We really are supposed to be worrying about our own short-comings, and minimizing the short-comings of others. Oh, Auriel, you aren't very good at this yet! Keep trying!

Good night!