Apology Accepted!
How do you know if someone has apologized to you satisfactorily?
I like to think about what I heard for donkey training advice. Encourage the donkey to do the desired task, and if you see any movement or willingness to try, reward him immediately and well!
We did that today. The donkey fellas and I practiced walking up to the mounting block. I rewarded them with carrots. They really seemed interested in the game, and they like carrots, so we are coming along really well. Next we are going to ask the fellas to pivot their rear end a step or two so they move closer to the mounting block when they are just a bit too far away. Skill building.
For relationship building, restoration or repair, there are many, many ways of "apologizing."
I think that allowing someone a lot of credit for any gesture that seems to be aimed at repairing your relationship is a good thing. Sometimes, it's a great idea to just use small talk to indicate that things are ok between you again. Sometimes being direct would be awkward or unwanted.
A smile, a warm look may be all that's wanted. Sometimes a verbal apology that brings up bad feelings and hurts is not going to work. Cookies, in that case, may be a better idea. I personally readily accept dark chocolate!
We all know when someone is being nice to us. It feels good.
You also have to watch out that the trouble immediately in front of you isn't really the real problem. There could be some festering sore that has gone on silently for some time. Then an apology for the matter at hand won't really solve much.
In cases like these, it could be better to do something nice and give warmth and time a chance to heal old wounds.
Sometimes I have to be nice when I don't feel like it. I saw a saying: Be kinder than necessary! I really like this saying, because if you use it, you will be kind to the people around you, and the nifty thing is, they (or some of them!) will be kinder to you! You are really, really going to like this.
Sometimes when you are kind to someone, they don't respond for a long, long time. But when that first ray of sunshine breaks through, you'll realize that holding on for a long, long time turns out much better than being cranky.
Did you ever have a cranky relationship get better? Isn't it such a relief? No more tension, just warmth and smiles, those silly resentments sent off on a rocket to outer space. Once they are gone, you don't want them back, and you wonder why you couldn't kick them out a long time ago!
Well, it's Lent. Forgiveness Sunday. Why not try and be kinder than necessary? To someone who is difficult for you? Give hope feathers, and she could fly (see Emily Dickinson poems).
Best to you, enjoy the lengthening of days!
- Auriel
I like to think about what I heard for donkey training advice. Encourage the donkey to do the desired task, and if you see any movement or willingness to try, reward him immediately and well!
We did that today. The donkey fellas and I practiced walking up to the mounting block. I rewarded them with carrots. They really seemed interested in the game, and they like carrots, so we are coming along really well. Next we are going to ask the fellas to pivot their rear end a step or two so they move closer to the mounting block when they are just a bit too far away. Skill building.
For relationship building, restoration or repair, there are many, many ways of "apologizing."
I think that allowing someone a lot of credit for any gesture that seems to be aimed at repairing your relationship is a good thing. Sometimes, it's a great idea to just use small talk to indicate that things are ok between you again. Sometimes being direct would be awkward or unwanted.
A smile, a warm look may be all that's wanted. Sometimes a verbal apology that brings up bad feelings and hurts is not going to work. Cookies, in that case, may be a better idea. I personally readily accept dark chocolate!
We all know when someone is being nice to us. It feels good.
You also have to watch out that the trouble immediately in front of you isn't really the real problem. There could be some festering sore that has gone on silently for some time. Then an apology for the matter at hand won't really solve much.
In cases like these, it could be better to do something nice and give warmth and time a chance to heal old wounds.
Sometimes I have to be nice when I don't feel like it. I saw a saying: Be kinder than necessary! I really like this saying, because if you use it, you will be kind to the people around you, and the nifty thing is, they (or some of them!) will be kinder to you! You are really, really going to like this.
Sometimes when you are kind to someone, they don't respond for a long, long time. But when that first ray of sunshine breaks through, you'll realize that holding on for a long, long time turns out much better than being cranky.
Did you ever have a cranky relationship get better? Isn't it such a relief? No more tension, just warmth and smiles, those silly resentments sent off on a rocket to outer space. Once they are gone, you don't want them back, and you wonder why you couldn't kick them out a long time ago!
Well, it's Lent. Forgiveness Sunday. Why not try and be kinder than necessary? To someone who is difficult for you? Give hope feathers, and she could fly (see Emily Dickinson poems).
Best to you, enjoy the lengthening of days!
- Auriel
posted by Auriel Ragmon | 9:15 PM
2 Comments:
Oh this is very good. It reminds me of something another Oly friend keeps saying to me, "Little acts with love." Little kindnesses, little gestures, often far less embarrassing than prostrations, waterfalls of words, and all the awkward things I tend to go for, things that secretly denigrate the apologee (this is the person being apologized to, right?). Happy Lent.
Well, I was speaking in an optimistic frame of mind, too. Normal operation full of messiness! But one does like to stop a minute and encourage one's self to notice things that are a tad bit better and to dump that which is unhelpful.
(But only if I get a reward, after all, the donkeys get carrots!)
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