Idealization
I think we all must be carrying the ideal picture of what is good and proper in our head. It's interesting to read about the mental shortcuts we need for our thinking patterns just to survive. First impressions are powerful.
When the person in front of us doesn't match our ideal, it creates a judgement, and then we base our actions on that judgement.
It's interesting that once we make up our minds, we judge incoming evidence in accordance to our belief about that person. If we thought they were incompetant, than if they make a mistake, that observation is maximized. If they do something well, that observation is minimized. We do this to preserve our mental image and a little bit to help our ego. We don't like to admit we may have been mistaken about a person.
The conflicting stories are called cognative dissonances. We can do one or more things about a cognative dissonance. We can ignore that we even are experiencing it and keep acting on the "story" we have constructed based on our initial observations.
We can acknowledge that there is a cognative dissonance and ignore it or accept it and change nothing.
We can insist that our initial call was correct and suppress the evidence of the other side of the story.
We can test the probabilities.
But my favorite shortcut through all of this is this advice I heard: Assume the best of everyone.
This idea is felicitous because if you make a mistake, and assume more than was really true, it is still likely to have a good result.
Cheryl and Ann were talking on the phone. In the middle of the conversation, Ann hung up. Cheryl assumed Ann had been called away and she didn't ascribe any motive or bad feeling to Ann's action. The next day, Cheryl called Ann and asked how the other was doing in the friendliest and normalest of tones. Ann was expecting a harsh tone and was grateful to hear her friend's patient and friendly voice. She had hung up because she was angry, but now she just wanted to forget about it and not even talk about it.
These two could've launched a protracted argument, given each other the silent treatment, or even stopped being friends. They decided to give the person who needed it some space and time and to not make a big deal out of the event. Good job!
Everyone needs encouragement, do the best you can.
Just thinking,
Auriel
When the person in front of us doesn't match our ideal, it creates a judgement, and then we base our actions on that judgement.
It's interesting that once we make up our minds, we judge incoming evidence in accordance to our belief about that person. If we thought they were incompetant, than if they make a mistake, that observation is maximized. If they do something well, that observation is minimized. We do this to preserve our mental image and a little bit to help our ego. We don't like to admit we may have been mistaken about a person.
The conflicting stories are called cognative dissonances. We can do one or more things about a cognative dissonance. We can ignore that we even are experiencing it and keep acting on the "story" we have constructed based on our initial observations.
We can acknowledge that there is a cognative dissonance and ignore it or accept it and change nothing.
We can insist that our initial call was correct and suppress the evidence of the other side of the story.
We can test the probabilities.
But my favorite shortcut through all of this is this advice I heard: Assume the best of everyone.
This idea is felicitous because if you make a mistake, and assume more than was really true, it is still likely to have a good result.
Cheryl and Ann were talking on the phone. In the middle of the conversation, Ann hung up. Cheryl assumed Ann had been called away and she didn't ascribe any motive or bad feeling to Ann's action. The next day, Cheryl called Ann and asked how the other was doing in the friendliest and normalest of tones. Ann was expecting a harsh tone and was grateful to hear her friend's patient and friendly voice. She had hung up because she was angry, but now she just wanted to forget about it and not even talk about it.
These two could've launched a protracted argument, given each other the silent treatment, or even stopped being friends. They decided to give the person who needed it some space and time and to not make a big deal out of the event. Good job!
Everyone needs encouragement, do the best you can.
Just thinking,
Auriel
posted by Auriel Ragmon | 11:46 AM
2 Comments:
Yes, let's do the best we can and trust that others do the same!
Yes, let's do the best we can and trust that other do the same!
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